God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
