just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
