Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
