I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
