u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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