I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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