Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Randomize
