Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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