I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
