dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You are the jesus of drinking
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
