you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
