this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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