Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
