don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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