i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
