In the future we'll all be gay
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
