WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
