are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Randomize
