Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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