We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
