what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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