Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Randomize
