i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
