So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize