oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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