She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
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