Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
