I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
