I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
