Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
