I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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