...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
