as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
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