You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
