Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Don't EVER smell your tampon
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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