We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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