I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
