It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
