I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
