I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
