Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
