I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
