The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
