I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
