So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
