it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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