so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
