I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
So many bounce houses so little time
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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