There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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