I want to have your abortion
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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