i was rollin on her like bob the builder
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize