i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
