I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
