You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
