Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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