my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
