I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
