I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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