so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
