Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
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