I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize