He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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