It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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