I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Green mimosas i think yes
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
